Don'ts for Mothers, 2012 #2: Birthing Team... Assemble!
Don't attempt to deliver a baby without assembling the best possible team. Effective labor takes a village.
(Unfortunately my village is a crazy town)
Here are the key members of my team:
Kevin Raftery, Father and comic relief
This
man was a key member of the delivery team. From the moment he arrived
and faked a cervical exam, he kept me laughing through the very worst
moments. He updated our delivery board with fake names, played practical
jokes on my mom, asked medical questions (and got really shoddy answers
at times) and generally provided me with comfort when it was needed.
Since that day, he has taken care of me and Jude with extreme care,
patience, and good humor. He has seen things no man should ever have to
force himself to forget and humbly taken orders from me while I am
nursing, all with a sinus infection. He tolerates my occasional crazy,
cooks amazing meals, and handles Jude at his most difficult, fussy
times. I could not ask for a better Fah-jah for the little man.
Liz "Mema" Horbal, Grandmother, doula, and worry wart
This
woman pushed harder than I did! My mother spent the entire [9 months]
two weeks before Jude was born fretting. She had 11 different scenarios
for use of personal days and how to get here. She packed and unpacked
her bag at least a dozen times. She texted on the hour every hour asking
if I felt "anything different". I told her she was too panicked to be
in the delivery room because she might make me anxious. Mostly I just
didn't want to go into labor unexpectedly, her not to make it in time,
then have her feel like she missed something for the rest of her life.
Luckily, with a scheduled induction, she had plenty of time to get here
and lose sleep at my house. Turns out comforting her and easing her
anxiety was just what I needed to distract myself from my own stress and
pain. I asked her if she was ready on every push, explained what was
happening every time a nurse came in and gave us information, and talked
her down if anything alarming came up. Kevin and I thoroughly enjoyed
teasing her throughout this process (from having my brother Kip call to
tell her she was going to be a grandma, to daily phone calls to "check
in" in the weeks leading up to labor to make her panic when the phone
rang), but in the end she was a clutch member of the team, despite her
photography of the afterbirth and my urine sample.
Greg "G Fred" Fredrick, sanity consultant
While
G Fred was working on the actual birthday (smart man!)nmm, he was
absolutely crucial in the days, weeks, and months before the birth. When
Mema (see above) would panic about being here in time for the birth,
sorting her personal days, worrying about Jude's 16th birthday party,
etc., he was there to take her out for some nice dinner with lots of
bread and take her shopping for baby clothes. G Fred would not like you
to know that he is good with babies (I saw him hypnotize one almost a
decade ago... babies are not new to him), but anyone who knows my mom he
is VERY good with crazy ladies. G Fred is an essential member of the
team.
Kip "Uncle Rico" Horbal, transporter, husband entertainer, and sister defender (when it comes to Mema, but not white cheddar cheezits)
Last
year, at my cousin Stephanie's wedding, Kevin and I took a poll of
family members to prove, once and for all, that Kip is my mom's favorite
child and always has been. While she occasionally tries to bribe my
brother Andrew or I by telling us we're the favorite, it is clear that
this perfect specimen of a brother is obviously my mom's one and only
true love. He spent most of his childhood trying to climb back in to her
womb and now effortlessly does whatever he wants and gets unconditional
love and approval.
All that has changed.
While Kip is no worse
in my mother's eyes, he has without a doubt been replaced by Jude. Kip
is taking it all in stride, but poor Jude is in for a lifetime of
smothering. In the meantime, Kip helped me convince my mom that she
spends far too much time on her phone, unfocused and not really living
in the moment. He also drove her sobbing ass home (although I hear she
held it together pretty well) and entertained Kevin all weekend by
getting smashed at Waterman's and falling asleep face down on the carpet
in our dining room, then golfed with him all day on Saturday when the
weather was gorgeous. Most importantly, he made it clear that while our
lives have certainly changed by having a child, we are still ourselves.
We haven't turned awful yet. Yet.
Maddy, most patient and well-behaved dog on Earth
My
dog is awesome. I never would have thought so the summer we got her
when we used to *joke* that she called me "bitch" under her breath,
barked at me incessantly, and bit my calves when I didn't pay attention
to her. Nothing makes me appreciate and love our dog more than having
her Aunt Casey, mop dog puppy, around. Casey is a sweet dog, but she's
still in that calf biting phase and it makes Maddy look like a seeing
eye dog, she is so docile and such a good listener.
We
worried about how she would take the newest member of our household,
considering she is used to receiving our undivided attention. I read a
ton of books and articles about introducing your pet to your new baby,
planned the meeting carefully, and sent Kevin home with articles of the
baby's clothing to help her get used to the baby's smell.
We needn't have worried. After a long
walk with Mema (who got lost in the neighborhood and had to use her GPS
to get home), Maddy arrived in the house to say hi to me, then Tater,
then came up to the nursery to greet the baby... and acted like he had
been there all along. We hypothesize that she may not be surprised by
him because she "knew" him when he was still in the womb. Whatever the
reason, she is a dream with the baby. She protects him from afar,
watching warily when people pick him up and showing concern when she
hears him cry on the baby monitor. She gives him kisses and rests her
chin on my leg sometimes when I am feeding him. She is such a good girl.
The rest of the team includes a
wide variety of friends and family members who have been so good to us,
both during my pregnancy and after Jude was born. I list some here and
hope I do not offend if I forget anyone. We really appreciate the love
and support we have received from so many:
Janet and Bill, Warren and Gayle,
BJ and Melissa (and Will and Brayden), Karen and Ryan (and Brynn and
Camryn), Haylie and Tim, Aunt Barbara, cousin Elizabeth, Andrew and
Marion (watch her on Jeopardy this week!), my coworkers (especially
Barb, Robin, Dorn, and Meisha who have visited the little man recently),
Julie, Matt and Lindsey for their fantastic gift, Carrie-Anne for the
world's greatest and awesomely inappropriately timed labor pick-me-up,
and many, many more!
